We are all human
It has been sometime since my last entry. Ya, i know. It's more than half a year ago. I know that, but i'm just too lazy to write something.
The purpose of blogging is to share my thoughts when i have time for it. And i don't have much time since last year. Sometimes, i do, but i dunno what to write. My mind is just a piece of emptiness nowadays. I loose the enthusiasm to blog everything. I used to have zillions of stuff on my mind to blog about, but now, i don't feel like writing anything at all.
Today, i feel like sharing. Lately, something happened. Something totally unexpected, and it caught me off-guard. It hurt my feelings too. Usually when i write something like this, that's when i found out something about what my friend did.
I'm a person who talk very straight-forward. I don't like to be pretentious, coz i don't like putting on a mask. When i don't like someone, i will intentionally say or do something to hint that person to back-off or get his face out of my life. It's usually accomplished with very arrogant answers to their questions or comments to their statement. The purpose is to let that person feels that i'm nobbish and to cut the conversation short. I don't want to pretend to like the person when i'm not or acted like i'm keen to continue the conversation or talk about my life or listen to his life. Only people who are close enough with me know me well.
Yet, sometimes, it doesn't seemed to be that way.
Human are, in nature, pretentious. Probably it's a natural thing to do. To protect themselves, i guess. I do it too, sometimes. But doing it everyday, to someone whom you talk to and see almost everyday?? No, i don't. I know someone who does. She did it so gracefully and innocently, i didn't know when she actually started to dislike me so much. Everything i did, could be a conversation topic of how i mistreated her.
It's been more than 2 months since i knew it and i still couldn't get over it. A very close friend of 3 years.
The last time i knew a friend backstabbed me, i had a sleepness nite. I thought we were close. All along, i was the only one who thought that way. I had never said a bad thing about him or thought anything bad about him before. Now, everytime he complains about someone to me, my mind goes to the scenes where he pretended to be nice to them and how he did the same thing to me. Sick...
This time, i didn't have sleepless nite but my mind was in chaos for the first few days. The more details i know, the more eerie she seems to me. Very very 恐怖... I wish to write in details about everything that she did, but i'm not doing it. I believe in karma. At times, i wish to confront her. Even up til now, i have that notion occasionally. We were so close... If i said anything that hurt her feelings, she should have told me. I talk very honestly. I do. At times, it really hurt ppl's feeling but I don't do it purposely. We were so close, she knew i wasn't doing it deliberately. I was just talking...
I guess i was wrong. I was being naive. I thought we were sisters. In fact, i'm the only one being stupid. I could endure all her stupidity and never told her she's stupid. I never told her she's brainless when she did something that brought consequences to others. I just thought maybe she's not mature enough, with the fact that she's older than me and had worked in city for a few years. Ppl who worked in cities grow up and think maturely, rite? I assumed she didn't.
There are a lot of small things that accumulated which makes her dislike me so much, but i never even complain of what she did coz i thought we were friends. Stuff like these, she's been putting it in her mind and counting everytime she thinks i make her sad or hurt her. A lot of things she said was so twisted, i was shocked to know it. I was dumb-founded. A person who i thought that is so close to me is doing all these. She didn't know i knew what she has done. I've stopped talking to her, but things just got worst. Honestly, i wish to forgive her but things don't stop as we wished.
Now, i have to PRETEND i don't know all those stuff that she did to hurt me.
I'm the pretentious queen now...but she will always get the crown.
The purpose of blogging is to share my thoughts when i have time for it. And i don't have much time since last year. Sometimes, i do, but i dunno what to write. My mind is just a piece of emptiness nowadays. I loose the enthusiasm to blog everything. I used to have zillions of stuff on my mind to blog about, but now, i don't feel like writing anything at all.
Today, i feel like sharing. Lately, something happened. Something totally unexpected, and it caught me off-guard. It hurt my feelings too. Usually when i write something like this, that's when i found out something about what my friend did.
I'm a person who talk very straight-forward. I don't like to be pretentious, coz i don't like putting on a mask. When i don't like someone, i will intentionally say or do something to hint that person to back-off or get his face out of my life. It's usually accomplished with very arrogant answers to their questions or comments to their statement. The purpose is to let that person feels that i'm nobbish and to cut the conversation short. I don't want to pretend to like the person when i'm not or acted like i'm keen to continue the conversation or talk about my life or listen to his life. Only people who are close enough with me know me well.
Yet, sometimes, it doesn't seemed to be that way.
Human are, in nature, pretentious. Probably it's a natural thing to do. To protect themselves, i guess. I do it too, sometimes. But doing it everyday, to someone whom you talk to and see almost everyday?? No, i don't. I know someone who does. She did it so gracefully and innocently, i didn't know when she actually started to dislike me so much. Everything i did, could be a conversation topic of how i mistreated her.
It's been more than 2 months since i knew it and i still couldn't get over it. A very close friend of 3 years.
The last time i knew a friend backstabbed me, i had a sleepness nite. I thought we were close. All along, i was the only one who thought that way. I had never said a bad thing about him or thought anything bad about him before. Now, everytime he complains about someone to me, my mind goes to the scenes where he pretended to be nice to them and how he did the same thing to me. Sick...
This time, i didn't have sleepless nite but my mind was in chaos for the first few days. The more details i know, the more eerie she seems to me. Very very 恐怖... I wish to write in details about everything that she did, but i'm not doing it. I believe in karma. At times, i wish to confront her. Even up til now, i have that notion occasionally. We were so close... If i said anything that hurt her feelings, she should have told me. I talk very honestly. I do. At times, it really hurt ppl's feeling but I don't do it purposely. We were so close, she knew i wasn't doing it deliberately. I was just talking...
I guess i was wrong. I was being naive. I thought we were sisters. In fact, i'm the only one being stupid. I could endure all her stupidity and never told her she's stupid. I never told her she's brainless when she did something that brought consequences to others. I just thought maybe she's not mature enough, with the fact that she's older than me and had worked in city for a few years. Ppl who worked in cities grow up and think maturely, rite? I assumed she didn't.
There are a lot of small things that accumulated which makes her dislike me so much, but i never even complain of what she did coz i thought we were friends. Stuff like these, she's been putting it in her mind and counting everytime she thinks i make her sad or hurt her. A lot of things she said was so twisted, i was shocked to know it. I was dumb-founded. A person who i thought that is so close to me is doing all these. She didn't know i knew what she has done. I've stopped talking to her, but things just got worst. Honestly, i wish to forgive her but things don't stop as we wished.
Now, i have to PRETEND i don't know all those stuff that she did to hurt me.
I'm the pretentious queen now...but she will always get the crown.
Labels: Life
