Restlessness

Not sure if i have the same entry title before but this is what i am feeling at the moment.

Restlessness. Very restless in fact.

It's just pure emptiness inside. I don't know what i am doing or what i should be doing at this moment. I have stuff that requires my attention but i'm just kinda 'empty' to do it at the moment.

I don't know what is happening to my brain.

Is that mood swing? Or hormones imbalance? or ..... something..??

I'm kinda like floating... and heading nowhere.

Does everybody feel what i am feeling occasionally? I mean, i consider myself pretty normal. So it is normal for normal people to feel like this, right?

The wondering can go on and on and on..

So what happens next?

Something's on my mind for the past couple of days. Thinking and wondering...

All those thinking and wondering is not gonna get me anywhere without actions.

But then, it's all so confusing and empty and not-wanting to know what to do or make the decisions.

I admire those people who can make life changing decisions. They are just so brave. This morning, one of my friends said the same thing to me. Well, she doesn't know me well enough. It was a big decision for me at first.

As time passes, i don't even think of it as a big decision anymore, not to say life changing. It is simply just a step i have to take for myself. My future. But what is in my future?

If only i can just be more open to certain things. I wish a very simple thing : to do something that gives me satisfaction. From the look of it, it seems pretty easy. For me, it's hard. It's so difficult that for years, i've not achieve this simple little wish. Not even close. Is that wishful thinking??

The saying always goes that friends will help you. But in life, they don't. They are too selfish to even care, needless to say, help. Sad isn't it? Friends that i once thought 'friends' are actually not. They just wanna satisfy their own curiosity and start gossips. What is it about gossiping that people like so much? And rumours too. They like to spread rumours, turning their own opinions into something that they think is correct and spread it. I hope they go to hell. I really do. It's all the karma they deserve for ruining others' life when it's not even in their business to poke their nose into. I hate people asking me what i am doing and where i am. They don't care. They just want to know so they can share it with their other gossip friends so they can start making new stories.

People who don't ask are the ones that actually respect the privacy. If i want them to know, i would have told them myself instead of them asking me the same question, time to time, over and over again. I mean, what is the point for them to know? Why do they keep asking? Do they really care? I doubt. So why do they keep asking? They don't get it when i diverted the topic. They would just repeatedly ask the same question. Like a broken record. Get a life. Really.

Now i feel better... :-D