Sense of security

Should it be called sense of security? Doesn't matter, you'll know what i feel at the end of this entry.

Somehow, a sudden surge of weird feelings arise when i see my friends' messages and photos of their happy lives, their marriage lives and success in life.

Is this jeolousy? I don't think so, coz i don't feel any resentment or unhappy looking at their happy smiling faces.

In fact, i am happy for them. I feel happy for them.

It's just that they are so happy, so content of their lives, i feel like i'm an empty shell.

I don't know how to put it, but life feels so shallow to me now.

I don't know what to expect, what to do...

It's like nothing matters anymore. I'm tired. Spiritually, i'm tired.

Well, you can read from here about how i felt then. I'm feeling the same thing over again.

I feel afraid of life now. It's like at any moment, it will swallow me into it's swirlpool of shallowness, deceit, greed.... everything that life holds for a person.

I don't know what it is about me but i feel like a piece of useless junk. Something that is additional and unnecessary. The world still rotates even if i'm not in it.

I just feel worthless. I guess my self-pride is getting smaller each passing day and nothing is helping this little fellow to grow healtily. Much contribution comes from the fact that i don't get satisfaction in what i do. So, what should i do?

I don't know.

I feel like my life is wasting itself by each passing day. What is wrong with me anyway?

In fact, i'm doing much better than a lot of people. I just don't feel satisfied of my life. Nothing seems to satisfy me. What do i want ?!?!?!?!

I just don't know.

I know i feel afraid.. worried... about life and for life. Am i thinking too much?